Rush lost his job yesterday. It was partially his fault and partially someone else's, but the main thing is that half of our income just went down the tubes.
I'm trying to stay positive about it, but I'll freely admit that I'm pretty scared.
I make $30,000 a year, which really isn't half-bad, especially since we eliminated a lot of our bills, but our utilities are still ridiculously high and we have a good little chunk of debt that needs to be dealt with.
I'm almost guaranteed a promotion next month, but I don't actually know if it comes with a pay bump. We will see, I guess.
Here's the current plan:
- Filed Rush for unemployment today
- File for medicaid for the Bonker-butt
- File for food stamps (Fuck you if you're complaining about welfare. I pay into the system and I'll use it when I need it. With any luck, this will be short-term and we'll be able to go back to both paying into it again.)
I already applied at my job for him, and I applied a few other places yesterday. I'll do more today.
Thankfully, we just got a roommate, which cuts down a lot on bills, and while Rush is at home he can watch Bonk and save us $120 a week.... that's a 1.5 days of work before taxes at his job, so that really helps.
My job allows me to work basically all the overtime I want (we are constantly slightly short-staffed), so I can get as many extra hours as I'd like, and that's about $16/hr after taxes.
Rush being home will mean more time for chores we have been rushing through and projects that would otherwise cost us money.
My biggest fears about this aren't financial, though, to be honest. They're emotional.
For most of his life, Rush has not viewed himself as a 'grown-up', or trusted his ability to be an equal partner, husband, and provider. This is partially due to some bad choices earlier in life and mostly due to the fact that his family has never let him forget it, and consequently he can never forget it.
He's finally begun to see himself as the man I have seen in him from the beginning, but I am afraid that losing his position as a provider (however temporarily) will cause damage to that fragile, new, and finally positive self-image.
Meanwhile, I am struggling with being a family provider for the first time, and the yoke that places on my neck. I've never been a sole provider for a family, and I'll freely admit that it's terrifying. What if something happens? What if I fail? What if I get fired? The fact that my bosses love me and I'm en route to a promotion is irrelevant to the fears circling in my head like sharks.
I am trying really, really hard to see this terrifying setback as the Universe's message that it was past time for him to move on and away from that soul-sucking job.