Saturday, February 8, 2014

A letter to my son

I wrote a letter to my son today.
I hope he never reads it.
You see, it's sealed and only is to be opened in case of my death.

My son is two.

His father died 4 months ago.

I have no intention of dying, but if I do he will be an orphan. He has other family, and plenty of people who love him, but I know from experience that nothing replaces your parents.

I wrote to him that I love him. I wrote to him about his father. I wrote that having him terrified me, and it still does every single day.
I wrote that I don't know how to be as good a mother as he deserves, but that I try every day.

I wrote that if he has questions about his father and I am gone, that he can ask his Aunts and his older brother.

I wrote that I love him. Over and over.

I wrote that I hope he understands one day that none of this was his fault.

I tried to give him advice, that I hope will be useful.

I wrote that nothing on earth could ever make me stop loving him. Not even death.